The Respect for Marriage Act Bill and its exclusion of polyamorous marriages.

Faran Lee Elowyn
2 min readDec 1, 2022

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The Respect for Marriage Act bill is a critical baby step in the right direction to preserve the recognition of same-sex marriages between states. My marriage with one of my partners likely falls within the scope of the bill since I’m now legally a woman in a marriage with another woman.

Despite the bill’s good qualities, however, it’s still exclusionary. For all the language about respecting different people’s views on marriage, those of us in polyamorous relationships are shut out. In fact, the bill explicitly states it would not “require or authorize Federal recognition of marriages between more than 2 individuals.”

An image from a PDF found at kaine.senate.gov of the Respect for Marriage Act Bill that says “(b) No Federal Recognition of Polygamous Marriages.- Nothing in the Act, or any amendment made by this Act, shall be construed to require or authorize Federal recognition of marriages between more than 2 individuals.”

Currently, I can’t have a legally recognized marriage between my other partner and me. And if the language in the bill isn’t superseded by another law in the future, it wouldn’t matter if my state suddenly recognized polyamorous marriages. We would be in the very predicament that the bill is trying to prevent.

Government-sanctioned marriage is not some sacred union that, according to the bill, “embodies the highest ideals of love, devotion,” etc. It’s a political tool to regulate people and property. It makes managing estates easier. It determines who legally benefits from the institution and who doesn’t. That’s it.

William Hogarth, The Wedding of Stephen Beckingham and Mary Cox, 1729

We could expand our legal definitions of marriage by recognizing polyamory, something I would back in a heartbeat.

Or we could do something better by removing the gatekeeper that is the state. If we really want to respect others’ beliefs about marriage, then governments should have no part in it. So long as the marriage is between consenting adults, the state should mind its own business. In other words, the state should not define marriage at all. People should be able to define marriage in their own way with as many, or as few, people as they wish. Also, people who are married shouldn’t receive more legal benefits than those who aren’t.

I’m not saying that this bill shouldn’t pass. It’s just an indication that we have a long way to go when it comes to truly respecting marriage.

Sending Love ❤

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Faran Lee Elowyn
Faran Lee Elowyn

Written by Faran Lee Elowyn

Faran Lee Elowyn (She/They) writes speculative fiction and poetry. Her short works currently appear in her zine, Triflower.

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